i need an iv and a liver transplant
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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