ugly people sure do ruin things
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
