Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
