all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
