Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
