I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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