so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
