You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
