I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
