Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
