It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
