He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
