I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
