Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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