Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
