Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
