dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
