I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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