dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
