Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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