nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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