I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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