wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
