You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
