the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
