I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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