i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Please, let me fuck your mom
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
