O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
