He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
