He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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