I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
