he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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