She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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