If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
