Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
