I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
