I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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