How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
