I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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