Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
