Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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