I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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