so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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