So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
