if you like me you must not know who I am
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
