At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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