I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Text me some of your sweat
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
