shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
