Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
