watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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