All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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