where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We're too hungover to prance.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
