Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
