i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
