Your dad touched me again.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
