he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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